Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Fat Chick Goes to Chipotle

Okay, so I have just finished eating my second Chipotle burrito.  I mean my second ever, not my second today.  In either case, my stomach is so full, if I were to place myself in a horizontal position, I would probably lapse into a coma.  Or vomit.  So, here I sit, at my computer, sharing with you the culinary indulgence that is the Chipotle burrito.

First, a few definitions.

Chiptole: A smoke-dried jalapeño which tends to be brown and shriveled, used primarily in Mexican and Mexican-inspired cuisine, such as Mexican-American and Tex-Mex.  Also, a national chain of restaurants serving obscenely large burritos.

Burrito: A Spanish word meaning, "small burro."  Also, a Mexican-American food consisting of a tortilla, wrapped around a pile a squishy goodness.

Tortilla: A Spanish word that means, "little pancake."  Also, a Mexican flat bread made from lard and white flour.  Lard and white flour.  Nothing bad has ever, and quite a few things decadent and delicious have, come from that.

Squishy Goodness:  Rice, beans (preferably pinto), sour cream, cheese, salsa, and guacamole.  Some definitions may tell you that guacamole is "optional."  Those definitions were written by communists.

Second, my story.

Until last Friday, I had never eaten at a Chipotle.  I do not know why.  They have been around for years.  There is one on a prominent, and frequented, intersection in my town.  Several people I know have spoken highly of it, but I did not listen.  Then, last Friday, finding myself, hungry, without my children, and parked in front of my local Chipotle, I thought, "Hey, I'll give this place a try."

My first Chipotle burrito was chicken, with guacamole.  I have to mention that I added guacamole, because it does not come standard.  (Communists?)  I had to pay extra.  Two dollars extra.  Making my first Chipotle burrito, my first eight dollar burrito.  But honestly, that was only about a dollar a pound.  I ate half of it, and took the rest home to my mother.

Once I shared the tale of my Chipotle initiation, I got feed back from several people, telling me ways to improve this experience.  As if that were even possible, I thought.  One friend (she knows who she is) suggested I try a vegetarian burrito.  For two reasons.  One, gauc is included (yeah!) and it has a better texture.  She finds that the meat ruins the consistency.  I was able to confirm that by "ruins the consistency" she means that it requires chewing, and therefore slows her down, because, honestly, without the chicken, I probably could have just swallowed that thing.

Today, less than a week later, (This is how addiction happens, isn't it?)  I found myself similarly situated.  I only had one kid with me, I was parked across the street (only two red lights and a u-turn away), and I was going to be hungry soon, I just knew it.  So, I went to Chipotle, for another hit burrito.

This time I ordered the vegetarian, guac included.  Yum!  But wait, what manner of green crunchiness which requires chewing is this?  Bell peppers?!  Blech!  I hate cooked bell peppers.  I like them raw, and I like all kinds of vegetables, even the green ones.  Really.  But not, Not, NOT in my burrito.  It if is green, and it is not cilantro (my second favorite herb) or the tender, creamy flesh of a ripe avocado, it does not, Not, NOT belong in my burrito.  A shudder just went through me.

So, I picked the peppers out and proceeded.  I'm not going to lie to you.  I missed the chicken.  But, all in all it was good burrito. 

Now, I have another friend (she know who she is) who would say that Chipotle is not real Mexican food.  But, it is real good food.  Good and heavy.  Oh, and now that it has settled a little, I think I can safely lapse into a coma sitting up.  Later.


  1. The first time I went there, a year or two ago, I too, thought that I was experiencing a little slice of heaven.

    (Yes, it is too bad that the quacamole is extra.)

  2. lol noooo! never with the peppers tracey! never with the peppers. i should have made that clear.

  3. Yum! I always get a burrito bowl with chicken. My favorite.

  4. If I were you I'd find a good recipe. With 22,000 employees world wide and 126mil earnings in turnover. The employees cannot be on much more than minimum wage, if that. And further like any good addict you should aim to be a dealer in your own right.
    Mind you I expect that chipotle is a protected term.

  5. Ha! Hilarious post. I too have avoided eating at Chipotle despite that there are several around here and they always smell great from the street. But an $8 burrito??? Also, I heard a long time ago that the chicken burrito has about 1000 calories. You have not confirmed that outright, but I am now suspecting it is true. (If this helps you break your addiction, you're welcome. But it may have come too late.)

  6. Yum - have no idea what a Chipotle is - am guessing fast food place? Damn - those burritos sound good. WHY do I have to live in Britain? The best the North of England can offer is fish, chips (fries to you) and mushy peas. Actually that sounds quite good....