This week the, er, wise folks over at Theme Thursday, who are much more creative than I, gave us two themes. Felt and Impression. Well, I have don't my best. The following is a bit longer than my usual posts. If it's too long, don't read it. Just give me credit for completing this very hard (for me) theme. Oh, and this is (very obviously) a piece of fiction.
The woman on the television was very blond, very tan, and had strangely exaggerated diction.
“Hang on to your hats Hollywood.” She said, as elaborate computer graphics and punchy theme music played in the back ground. “It’s true! After months of speculation about the reason behind the 'break-up of the century,' Jax Crawford and Kate Gillian are coming out and coming clean as the new hottest couple in Hollywood. Here’s Smithson James with the details.”
Cut to a metro-sexual man in his late twenties (so says his bio) standing on an empty red carpet in the blazing sun.
“That’s right, Janie. After their red carpet walk at last night’s Golden Globes there is no question that co-stars Jax Crawford and Kate Gillian are in love and in leather.” Cut to more graphics showing pictures of the couple. “She wore a red leather Kaja Prive halter dress cut down to there and up to there, while he sported a black leather vest with his Armando tux. But even her reported twenty, yes that’s right, twenty million dollars in bling from Fred Meyer Rodeo Drive could not blind us to the sight of two stars in love.
“Speculation has been rampant about the status of the two stars, even before Kate, and the second hottest man in Hollywood, Matt Powell, announced their break-up six weeks ago. Powell was noticeably absent from last night’s award show. Well, we noticed. But, I don’t think Jax and Kate did.”
Matt Powell sat on a 20 year old couch in his mother’s 90 year old basement watching TV.
“Don’t feel bad Matty,” said his older brother Davey, from the other end of the couch. “They just say that stuff ‘cause they have to fill up the space between commercials. You are not the second hottest man in Hollywood.”
“Can we turn this off now?” Matt asked half heartedly.
“You aren’t even the second hottest man in the house.” Davey found this very amusing and laughed heartily.
“Why are you here?” Matt asked.
“Hey, I’m a student,” Davey said, as if this explained everything.
“You’re 32 years old. You drove 150 miles to do your laundry?”
“No. I drove 150 miles so mom could do my laundry. And yes, I am aware that that makes me some kind of loser. But, at least I didn’t just get dumped on Hollywood Tonight.”
Matt ignored him. He did not just get dumped. He got dumped six weeks ago. And he had been sitting on his mother’s couch ever since. This gave him very little advantage over his brother in a you’re-a-bigger-loser-than-I-am contest, and they both knew it. But, he could probably beat his brother’s philosophy-studying library-carrel-riding PhD-candidate ass. They both knew that too. They were at an impasse.
Matt took the remote control out of Davey’s hand and turned on ESPN.
Matt ignored him.
“No, I mean it. I mean, it may be true, that while you have been out in Hollywood, your shit has ceased to stink, but the rest of you, my brother, most certainly does. Go take a shower.”
Davey reached over and took the remote control out of Matt’s hand and turned it back to Hollywood Tonight. “…the new couple, dubbed Jax and Gill…”
That did it. The battle was on. Two grown men, wrestling around on the floor of their mother’s basement, like they had done since they were boys. And, Hollywood Matt was right. PhD Davey was no match for his younger brother. Within seconds, Davey was pinned to the ground, with Matt straddling him.
“Good God he smells,” Davey thought, as he felt the impression of the buttons on the remote control being bored into his face.
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